That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
