I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I still have a little drunk in my system
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
