I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
