her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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