matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize