Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
