Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
