It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
