i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
