I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
