Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Oh god it's open bar.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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