are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
