I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize