He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
