Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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