id be glad to
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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