how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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