Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
