What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Randomize
