im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
