i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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