Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Only a mothe r could love this liver
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
