I need to stop coming to work sober
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
