but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
