Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
We have so much sex to catch up on
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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