I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
