chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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