were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
