Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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