you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
