I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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