I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
A+ Viking dick
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
