You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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