shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
