seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
