Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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