I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
