It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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