someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
