So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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