Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
