ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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