escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
