Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
