I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
my liver is dry heaving
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize