she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
