I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
