Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
