remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
