I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
