My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
