I love black thongs
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
