nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
