Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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