A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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