Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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