smell my finger.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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