Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
