I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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