im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
