When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
