Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize