the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
