I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
