I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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