forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
