Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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