his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
