The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
